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I Live You For Ever: Dementia in a Loving Marriage

by Meredith Rutter Marple

I Live You Forever by Meredith Rutter Marple

This candid and penetrating memoir chronicles Meredith Rutter Marple’s nine-year journey caring for her husband, Gary, as mixed dementia reshaped the fabric of their marriage. What began as small slips—forgotten directions, mental-math errors—unfolded into a relentless progression of symptoms associated with vascular dementia, Alzheimer’s disease, and Lewy body dementia.

Drawing from her personal journals, Meredith captures the intimacy of conversations and the daily negotiations of love, anger, denial, and acceptance
between partners bound together by decades of shared life. With honesty and compassion, she illuminates the dual tragedy of spousal dementia: the gradual
fading of the ill partner and the parallel unraveling—and resilience—of the caregiving partner.

At once heartbreaking and hopeful, this memoir is both a testament to enduring love and a call to face the “what-ifs” of aging with courage and candor.

Winner of Gold for unpublished (manuscript stage) memoir I Live You For Ever

Praise For I Live You For Ever

BOOK CLUB QUESTIONS

The Year Mrs. Cooper Got Out More

1. Even though the first possible sign of Gary’s oncoming dementia was in 2010, the added signs in 2011 and 2012 still seemed minor, the type that might easily be ignored. Nevertheless, author Meredith chose to include them as part of Part One’s umbrella heading of “Denials.” Why do you think she did that?

2. What would you say was the most difficult aspect of living with Gary’s dementia (either as Gary or as Meredith). Were there aspects you would have managed differently than Meredith did?

3. Meredith and Gary were fortunate to have long-term care insurance, and so the cost of caregiving was not a problem for them. They did experience both good and not-so-good caregiving assistance. What considerations had to go into finding good caregiving help? Comparing the good and the not-so-good caregivers, what did they do differently?

4. Meredith notes early in the book that she, like one of her fictional characters, has “a reluctance to ask for help.” What helped her overcome that reluctance as time with Gary’s dementia wore on?

5. Meredith and Gary both had to struggle with “loss of self” issues. What would loss of self mean to you personally?

6. Do you or have you personally known someone who has dementia? What form did it take, and how did you know the person? What were the difficulties you had with the experience?

7. What takeaways did you glean from Meredith and Gary’s story?